Nanny Crumpet (Snippet 2)

This is not a final draft… but the final draft will be published next month! Follow my Instagram (@officialjustinstrikes) to learn more

Rosie had set up a tea party in the kitchen, using her plastic tea set, sweet tea, and random snacks she’d grabbed from the pantry. Aside from Johnny, the other guests were all stuffed animals.

Johnny sat down next to Jerry the Giraffe. He nodded at the animal. “How do you do?”

“He’s good,” Rosie answered, sitting at the head of the table. “Now, there are six rules for this tea party.”

“Six?” Johnny jumped. “That’s a lot!”

Rosie shrugged. “It’s to make sure no one breaks the laws of eddy-kit.”

“Etiquette,” Johnny corrected.

“Rule one,” Rosie continued. “You have to refer to everyone by their full, proper names.”

Johnny eyed the stuffed animals beside him. “And what are their full proper names?”

Rosie smiled, pointing to each animal as she gave their full name. “Sir Jerry the Giraffe the fourth, Oswald Otterson of Ottoville, Julia Guiseppe the Jaguar, and Amelia Millie Theo Rinnie Golfo… the Cat.”

Johnny wished he had a pen and paper to write down the names.

“Second Rule, no slurping,” Rosie continued. “Rule Three, is you have to use everyone’s proper manners. Rule Four is that no one can leave until everyone has finished their tea. And Rule Five is you have to try the scones.”

“What about Rule Six?” Johnny asked. “You said there were six rules.”

“Oh,” Rosie nodded. “I forgot Rule Six. Don’t worry about following that one.”

“This tea party is going to last forever,” Johnny thought. He frantically tried to remember everyone's name, feeling grateful that they were all rather alliterative. The fact that Rosie tended to forget the names she made up also helped.

“May I have some tea?” he asked Rosie, holding up his plastic, pink tea cup.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry. May I have some tea, Rosie Margaret Driver?” He paused. “Please?”

“You may.” She picked up her teapot and poured some into his cup. “Would you like some, Sir Jerry the Giraffe the Fourth?”

The stuffed animal didn’t reply, but Rosie’s repetition of the party guests’ names gave Johnny another chance to remember everyone’s full titles.

Johnny, now feeling more confident about everyone’s names, decided to practice his manners. He took a sip of his tea.

“Ah, a wonderful pick,” he said, looking to the stuffed otter. “Wouldn’t you agree, Julia Guiseppe the Jaguar?”

“Oh yes, quite divine,” Rosie said, speaking for the animal. “Don’t you agree, Oswald Otterson of Ottoville?”

“Quite so, I’d say,” Johnny said for the cat.

After some light talking and Rosie correcting the manners of her stuffed guests, it was time for scones. 

Rosie’s scones weren’t real scones, but pieces of bread Rosie had balled into the shape of scones. They looked rather gross, but having been at the table for ten minutes already, Johnny was beyond caring and gulped his down.

“Well, this was nice,” he said, scooting his chair back to leave.

“No!” Rosie cried. “You can’t leave! Not everyone has finished their tea!”

Johnny, deciding he had fulfilled his promise to play with her, tried to stand, only to discover that his bottom wouldn’t move for the chair!